Sunday, September 14, 2008


SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2008, PORTLAND, OR: Mr. Dave Depper of Portland, Oregon and Ms. Joan Hiller, formerly and recently of Seattle, WA are beyond psyched and proud to announce their engagement to be married to family, friends and the entire universe at large on this very eve. At approximately 6:09 PM on Saturday, September 13th, 2008, in the midst of a beautifully arduously steep, mossy, pebbly and magical hike in Portland’s gorgeous Forest Park, and following many gaspy laughs and hi-fives regarding a number of playfully hypothetical wedding-related quips quipped by the two, the couple stopped dead in their tracks, faced face-to-face, and both silently thought, whilst smiling widely at the other, “Oh, shit! Is this…..?”

Of course, it was indeed the moment of the querying of the question. Mr. Depper, man of all men that he is, did the wise and tremendous thing and asked Ms. Hiller, both smiling ear-to-ear, “Should I be crazy right now? I mean, should I do something crazy?”, to which Ms. Hiller applied, “Dude, yes?!?!”. After gape-mouth, pie-eyed smiling and additional generalized freakout seriousness, Mr. Depper held Ms. Hiller, got on his knees, looked her square in her brown eyes from his, and proposed a proposal: “Joan Hiller, I love you. Will you marry me?” Ms. Hiller, who knew as well as Mr. Depper did that the answer would be “yes”, said, “YES” and fell to her knees, after which the newly-engaged couple made out joyously and with a tremendously ecstatic fervor for a good minute or few until a mid-sized herd of soccer moms, newborns in tow, came upon them. Said soccer moms clapped, took photos, and ooooohed and ahhhhhed in unison while Mr. Depper yelled, thumbs up and fake drawl activated, “I got me one!”

And thusly, both he and Ms. Hiller had indeed gotten themselves one. Or, two. Whichever way you count it. As the sun set on the horizon above Mt. Hood, Ms. Hiller and Mr. Depper continued on their hike until they found themselves in front of one of the fanciest restaurants in all of Portland, wearing their hiking clothing. The underwhelmed waitress asked if the couple could be helped, and Mr. Depper exclaimed, “We just got engaged, and we want a drink!”,and the two were promptly seated and gifted with fine, free champagne and a really fancy chocolate torte dessert, also on the house. It was delicious to them, and they don’t even like chocolate. They also enjoyed oysters on the half shell with a vinaigrette reduction. Afterwards, they retreated home to change, then ate engagement nachos at Dot’s, which is a fine place at which to have such a thing. Since, they have been blowing peoples’ minds by screaming news of their upcoming wedding and inspiring the uninspirable with the immense, irrepressible, irreversibly incredible nature of their love, which shall bloom forever as the mae-shoo blossoms bloom on the eves of the days of their birth, yearly, into eternity.

Speaking of days of birth, Mr. Depper and Ms. Hiller have set their wedding date as September 8th, 2009---that is Ms. Hiller’s 30th birthday, on the dot (which, if you’ll remember from earlier, is where the engagement nachos came from.) Between now and then, the couple will rent their first home together, go on a vacation to Oahu, do publicity for several amazing bands and comedians as well as paint and write about food and think about how incredibly lucky she is on the one end, and go on tour with Loch Lomond, Norfolk & Western and Jolie Holland while birthing into the world two of the most incredible albums either PDX band hath ever produced, as well as think about how incredibly lucky he is on the other end. The wedding will probably be in the morning and involve a brunch trench, several bands and a goodly amount of bacon, karaoke and mint gum.



Chandlers said...

Save some mint gum for me...I've got 9/8/09 on my calendar now.
- T.J. Chandler,
Acting President, DDFC (Dave Depper Fan Club)

Linda said...

Deliriously happy!